Sunday, March 16, 2008

Lend me Your Ear

And I wish I could sing you a song and try not to sing out of tune like Joe Cocker; Instead, I'm going to vent just a minute. I have a very heavy heart at the moment and its for no apparent reason just a lot of little things have been adding up I suppose. Allow me to dump out my brain on this blog. If you prefer not to read it, by all means check out some of the delightful links on my sidebar and we'll see you tomorrow.

  • Looking for a house was at first very exciting but now its starting to just be stressful. We took our families to see the house we thought we liked and we received some valuable input and some pretty harsh criticisms. And now I feel like we've got too many people telling us what we should be doing and where we should be looking and what price we should be willing to pay. Its quite overwhelming. "Deep breaths and continue the search, Megan. It doesn't matter what anybody wants but you guys" [that last line is what I need to hear so you can tell me that if you want].
  • During Relief Society this morning I had an anxiety attack. So strange. Luckily I found Dan soon there after and he sluffed Sunday School with me (which I'm not advocating but it did help in this instance) and just chilling with him made me feel a lot better. "Just do your best Megs. So you're not the best activity days leader and it took you 40 minutes to remember Aubrey's name, and you're afraid of the phone and sometimes just talking to people makes you nervous...so what? Just be better tomorrow." [You could tell me that if you wanted to as well.]
  • This week is St. Patrick's Day on Monday (which is a big deal in Kindergarten complete with me dying my feet green...more about that tomorrow), Activity Days on Tuesday (I'm still trying to pin point exactly what we'll be doing for that, something Christ centered and Easter related if you have any ideas...just try not to be too pushy with your ideas or I'll start to feel henpecked again), Ultrasound on Wednesday (and Dan keeps mentioning that his coworker just found out they're having twins and they didn't know until the ultrasound. If that happens....so help me...I'll be making up a babysitting schedule and I'll expect at least one of you to come help me each day. And Beth, you'll be my wet nurse... so prepare yourself.), and our Spring Easter Party in Kindergarten on Thursday. I do like parties but not when my stress level is already through the roof. "Baby steps, Megan. Baby steps through St. Patrick's Day. Babysteps to Activity Days...etc. Don't think too far ahead. And your party moms on Thursday will do a fabulous job. Fabulous." [That's what I need to hear.]
Woah, already I'm feeling better. Thanks for your kind advice. What did President Hinckley always tell Elder Eyring, "It'll all work out?" Something like that. Well, we'll see you later and may the luck of the Irish be with you.

11 comments:

Tiffany said...

I agree baby steps is the way to go!! Whenever I have a lot on my plate, I have to take it a day at a time or I'll go insane! I think you'll do GREAT--You always do! I wish I was closer to help you out! I like parties!! :) (Oh, and if you have twins, I'll be happy to take one for you! Well, not really cause you'd be sad, but at least maybe I could babysit for awhile!?)

Mel & Byde... said...

Megan-you are wonder woman! You can do anything. You are creative, darling and a super mom. Don't let the "chickens" get you down. I will help you with ANYTHING and I have a really cute Easter idea if you want it. Give me a call. Mel:)

Emily said...

Okay this is dramatic :O) but its my favorite. "Be still and know that I am God" and my addendum would be..."and know that you are my daughter and I am watching over you". :O) dramatic stuff over with, now comes the evil stuff...
Megs I know this is bad of me but I really worship you and your "megsness" I sort of like hearing that you really are human like me! :O)though I must admit you really are way above and beyond me in so mays ways! :O)

You really are doing so great at so many many things. And I agree buying a house sucks!!! I thought the stress would cause me to fall apart at times. Making offers was my least favorite part. But it will all be fine I promise - heavens, if I survived it you will thrive at it! Baby step it and then one day you'll wake up and realize you own a house are moved in and all is right with the world... and enjoy it before your mortgage comes! LOL :O)

Jenae said...

Megs, why do so many people adore you? Because you are so honest, sincere and open about what you are feeling! It makes all of us feel so much closer to you by the way you expose your true feelings, I need to be more like you... Good luck with this week! Mondjal magadnak "ugyes vagyok" hetszer naponta, jo?! Whoa, I just "spoke" Hungarian and it didn't take me twenty minutes to think of one of the words...

Jon & Angie Lewis said...

Don't worry, be happy! Good luck with the ultrasound - Jon was determined we would find out it was twins too...that would definitely be a surprise! Hey, dying your feet green...Mrs. Bone did that in first grade - were you in that class? I have NEVER forgotten that (I'm sure your kids won't either). And best wishes on the house - we are hoping to buy one in UT this fall too and having to jump through some interesting hoops. I always enjoy reading your posts!!

Ginna said...

so you're afraid of the phone and talking to people makes you nervous too? Well that makes me feel a little better. I'm petrified of the phone and avoid it at all costs, which makes my church jobs difficult sometimes.
You can do it--I totally know the feelings you're expressing here, but you can do it.
And with the house shopping, it's so hard--and only gets harder when you get a lot of other opinions. Eventually you're just going to have to go with what makes you and Dan happy because you're going to be the ones paying the mortgage and living in the thing!
You can do it m'dear. Have fun and eat some sugar.

Brian Holdaway said...

Sometimes you need your sweetheart a little more than a discussion in Gospel Doctrine (by the way, I teach G.D.).

Beth said...

Megs, about being afraid of the phone: me, too. And then I think, what am I, 5? I just say a prayer and ask for courage to make a phone call (really) and I pray that everything about the phone call will go okay.
As for your house, you guys just know now that you and Dan are the only ones you have to care about and the only ones you have to answer to. I haven't seen the house, but I'm sure ya'll have what it takes to make it Megan-ized. Plus, I'll see what hand-me-downs I can get from Heather.
And panic attacks: did you know the only time I've ever had one is when I was in the temple on my wedding day, sitting in the sealing room listening to the sealer talk about marriage? Perfect timing, huh? I just started sweating and my heart racing and I thought, "What am I doing?!!!" and then, "Why am I freaking out so much?" and then I realized I was there to marry Joel, so of course everything would be okay. I love that guy.
Thanks for the post about how you didn't feel like you could handle it all. It makes me feel like I've got a friend in you when we can commune on such topics. I totally feel you on this one.
Also, (man this is a long comment!) I like how your own words in the blog were the most comforting to you. A lot of times these days when I'm getting frustrated/upset/sad/overwhelmed about something you can hear me say to myself "It's okay." or "That's okay, Beth." Giving myself permission to not feel 100% great or not able to do everything I want to get done has helped me stay calm from time to time.

The Tuck Family said...

You are so cute! When you said this...."and you're afraid of the phone and sometimes just talking to people makes you nervous...so what? Just be better tomorrow." I wanted to call ( wait no), just yell AMEN at the computer and hope that it got mental telepathied (so not a word), to you. Thanks for the compliment on my blog... ;) right back at ya!

K said...

Ah.

1. Here's what you do with all the opinions. Listen. Learn. There are a lot of things to know about a house - and one of them is looking for water damage - ceiling and basement. Ginna and Kris had a seller's agent who taught them stuff like that.

Then make up your own mind. You are the ones who are going to live in the house. Assume that you may hear an "I told you so," from some butt-y one of us (not from *your* side of the fam, of course. But hey - there always will be, so - meh.

2). I'm worried about the anxiety attack. When you write the blog, you are always so quick. Maybe it would be nice to step out of the space/time continuum for ten minutes a day and force yourself to move in slow, silly, floaty motion. While breathing deeply and slowly... floating like a cloud...

There is nothing in your life more important, as important, as your family. the rest - you do your best, and the world won't cave in because the kids didn't learn to be fluent in Russian on activity day.

3. I was thinking about all the stuff I'm scared of last night, instead of sleeping. Like Monk. I probably have several pages' worth of stuff. Like toilets, or the IRS or having to call somebody, or Sunday coming up again, or having to remember what day it is - and fruit. I'm scared of fruit.

4. You are a good girl. Funny, kind, responsible. You have so many years to do things in. Shhh. Shhhh. You are loved.

Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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