Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Word for 2012

Its a new year. 2012.

Frankly, 2011 was mostly a blur.

The twins turned 3 and with it came even more wrestling, breaking of electronics, potty training, and all sorts of other twinado-like shenanigans. Maggie turned 5 and continued bossing everybody around, and either coloring, cutting, or writing on any available piece of paper in the entire house--rather messy but also endearing.  Dan is still serving as Elder's Quorum President and feeling the stress of wanting more money to be able to do manly things like buy a truck and remodel bathrooms and stuff like that. Money is not something I enjoy worrying about. I realized that I had more on my plate than I had bargained for with being in the young women's presidency, starting a preschool, and raising 3 small, extremely active, incredibly inventive, constantly bickering children. This spiraled me into a pretty good depression which is something that I've dealt with in the past, but not as severely as it was last year. Medication and counseling have helped a lot. I feel bad for being depressed when I have so many great things in my life. I love my calling--12 and 13 year olds are the best! I love my kids--they make be laugh so hard and their slobbery kisses are my favorite! My husband is my best friend. I love spending time with him and smooching his gorgeous face.

But life is hard.

I'm trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that opposition plays a major role in this world. Things (clothes, kitchens, 3 year olds' faces, etc.) don't stay clean. They get dirty. Feeling happy can't last forever. Sad things happen. Things get made. Things break. People are born. People die. What goes up, must come down. Its part of life.

Sometimes, though, I wonder why we are innately given the desire to be perfect. We can't be. We can't have perfect homes or children or blogs or lives. We can't. And yet I constantly feel worried and sad and guilty because I'm not good enough. Well, nobody is good enough. I'm realizing that we have that desire to make things beautiful, clean, true, and obedient because that's what Heaven is. We are striving for Heaven. I know I'll appreciate Heaven because I'm working to have even little tiny bits of it here. However futile my efforts may seem at times.

So, my word for the year is work.

I'm going to quit worrying, feeling guilty, beating myself up about every flaw, and instead I will work. I will do what I can to solve these problems, pray, and go on with life.

Now, its time to get to work!

Do you have a word for 2012?


Tiffany said...

Thanks for posting this, Megan. I also struggle with beating myself up and wondering why I can't do it all. I have been meaning to ask you how you made it to 3 with your boys, I look up to you a ton. I would like to adopt your word. Not so much worry, more do. inspiring.

Tiffany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andrea said...

Glad I'm not the only one. You pretty much summed up how I feel. Since being called as RS pres and having Harriet, plus the other 4, plus taking on teaching classes at Weber and homeschooling--I've been so burnt out. I know there are people who can work at max capacity all the time and still do okay, but I don't. I don't LIKE to be busy. I like to stay at home and hang with my kids and only go out of my house if I absolutely have to.

Anyway--I don't think I'll adopt the word work but I am trying to ease up on myself. I think my word will be GRACE. If Christ is willing to give me grace, I should be willing to give myself some.

Also, my goal this year is to review in my head the good things I did instead of the many gazillion things I did wrong.

Kati said...

My mom use to always tell me that if we spent our energy doing what needs to get done instead of using our energy worrying about it, we sure would be a lot better off :) I have to laugh at it now, because this pregnancy has been so steller and I have been flat on my back most of 6 months. haha! What can ya do :D

On New Years Eve I thought of a word, but I forgot it... My brain and health are gone, but I am going to do my best to enjoy it! Anyway, my word---- I think I will go with LOVE. And thank goodness we get to study Pres. George Albert Smith, because that man was full of it! I don't get to go to RS, and horribly this is the first year I have actually opened my book..... I guess that is a plus considering I have so much "down time" haha!

Ooooooh, and, Megan, I miss you! Here here to 2012, it is going to be a great year!

Amanda D said...

I think you have chosen a great word. Good luck with it!

Holli and Billy said...

You totally summed up how I have been feeling lately. That is such a great word for the new year. I might borrow it. It is great to know inspiring people like you!

Beth said...

Sorry you've been having a hard time. I think you're awesome!

Angela said...

That stinks you're going through a tough time - I'm not a fan of the downs of life either. I hope 2012 has more ups than downs for you! I think you're pretty fabulous and I like your word for the year! Just remember working smart is different than working hard :) Pick and choose the best things to spend your energy on and you'll succeed!

jww said...

I have had (and do have) a lot of the same feelings you have, and it's SO HARD!! I think if I had to pick a word it would be "REAL." Because I think we all look at other people and think, "Well, they can do it, why can't I?" But the truth is that they don't either!!! They look like they do, and we probably look like we have it all together TO THEM, too. For me, I have to remember what's REAL. Reality and life are just such that things get messy. Things I do get undone. Some days I just focus on the wrong things. Sometimes I fail. But sometimes I don't. Sometimes I do good things. And most of the time, I'm learning, I'm probably doing things right without realizing it or feeling like "wow, I did just a great job with that."

Your thoughts about heaven/perfection echo a lot of what I discovered this last fall and posted about here: http://jenniferwise.blogspot.com/2011_09_01_archive.html#2546549528678294273
It's something, though, that I CONSTANTLY have to tell myself. I forget to have a "REAL" perspective all the time. I know you're a totally busy mom/wife/crafter/teacher/YW leader, but take a minute to read that post and what I learned from the book because it really follows closely what you've said here.

You're awesome. I hope 2012 has way more ups than downs!! xoxo

C C & R said...

Beautifully written post! Your perspective is inspiring, uplifting and honest. Bring it on 2012!

K said...

When I was your age, I hit the ground, too. But I didn't get counseling. Couldn't afford it. Didn't know how to do it. All I had was your mom. Not even G. And my mom. I had my mom. So yeah, I lived in that neighborhood. And I wasn't even trying to be perfect, because i have never, for one minute, had any hope of ever being close to be that. I just struggle to accept my identity as mouthy, flawed, dogged, overwhelmed and mystified me. Even still. Happiness is something you grab - you see a glint, you grab it. You scrub the floor, you think of a song while you're doing it, you grab it. Life IS hard. And once we get it - that that is what life IS - then we don't have to be ashamed because we FEEL like it is.

I like your word. My word is brave, but I think that work is part of that.

Bebe McGooch said...

I think you're awesome, too. Work is a great word for 2012.

Ginna said...

I love you so much! And I feel you. I've been struggling too. Life is just a doggone struggle and we've got to keep on a'trying and try to eliminate the guilt. That's one of my biggest problems is just feeling guilty all the time. It's crippling.
Anyway, I feel guilty that I've been such a bad blog reader and a neglectful friend. Ever since the baby was born I've just read a post here and there on other's blogs. I've barely been able to post myself.
Anyway, I've missed you.

And I finally picked a word--this is all due to your good example, by the way.
Here's my post if you have time to check it out.

Just know that I'm thinking of you and you're wonderful! Happy New Year old and dear friend.

One said...

I love your honesty and perspective. I think feeling overwhelmed is something every mom can relate to -- I know I'm feeling it like crazy right now, what with all the chaos swirling around me and with ninja-princess heartburn-inducing bladder-busting #3 making her impending arrival impossible to forget for even 10 seconds. Thank you for sharing, both the challenge and some really inspiring thoughts on how you're dealing. I don't know that prepared for a year of work -- but I think it's probably coming whether I'm ready or not! xxoo


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