Friday, February 26, 2010

Some Things for your Weekend

  1. Something to laugh at
  2. {Something} to think about
Okay, the first one made my husband and I split a gut last night. But the funny thing was, we were both completely silent during the commercial because it was going so fast and we didn't want to miss it, and then after the commercial we exploded. Seriously we blew up into a billion laughing pieces.  Thanks {Jen}, for sharing.

Now, the second thing really made me think. See, I've realized that the older I get, the more I care what other people think, the more insecure I am, the more I try to fit in. And I want to stop. When I was in high school I was confident. I was loud. I wore green and orange puffy vests and refused to shave my legs all winter. I was most likely obnoxious, but I felt good about myself and my brains and my friends and my capabilities. I want some of that confidence back. Do you feel like that?


Kristy said...

Ok I feel like your blog stocker today but I HAD to comment on this one! My husband and I saw this and watched it like 5 times. We weren't sure if it was for real or not. Don't be you! We both laughed, every time!

jwise said...

Okay, I totally watched it again!! I couldn't help it. And I LAUGHED AGAIN! heh... heh... wiping the tears... I think my favorite part is "two tickets to that thing you love." Why does that just kill me? heh...

That "something to think about" was brilliant, and I actually have that very same quote on my fridge and have given it out to other women multiple times over the years as part of YW and RS lessons, whatever my current assignment is, because it always fits in! I thought about running to get it off my fridge to give to you until I saw it on the Apron blog. Anyway, I suffer from the same thing--I was much more confident in my college/mission years, and I often find myself wishing to go back to that. I wonder, "what happened?!" I think in a way it's due to being moms. During those confident years, we WERE the center of the universe, and we were okay with it. Now, other little people are the centers of the universe (just ask them!) and we are so busy and so tired from contributing so much to their universe(s), that we're a little drained. For me, too, I worry about so much more now than I ever did before. Being a mom is stressful for me, and I am especially insecure about being a mom. Anyway, I think recognizing the insecurities for what they are is a big part of it, and trying to find ways to overcome. And maybe hanging out with people who look and act and talk like the Queen of Kenya can help us remember not to "play small," but to shine like we want to.

Ginna said...

I love that commercial! It is so funny. And yesterday I bought some Old Spice bodywash just because I saw it at the store and remembering the commercial made me laugh.

I liked that post you linked to. It's really important to remember to be true to ourselves, isn't it?

Andrea said...

Oh my heck, I'm glad someone else feels exactly the same way I do. I couldn't even wrap my brain around "self-esteem" before motherhood. I. was. just. awesome.

Not so much the case now. I also used to never take offense at anything before--seriously, you could say ANYTHING to me and I would shrug it off. Now, it is so much harder to maintain relationships because I take everything so much more personally. I guess someone telling me I was wearing a dorky impact didn't have the same impact as someone criticizing how I parent. The level of importance is higher.

Great post. Thanks.

K said...

First of all, you must understand that not all people felt the way you did in High School. I went to two of them and was the new kid in both - NEVER did I feel like I could be myself - until about two months before we moved to the second HS, half way across the country - but it might have been half way across the solar system, the culture was so different. I also went to 2 junior highs, and at one of them was actually actively made fun of, mocked in the hallways, giggled about at the bus stop. I had nightmares in those days. And was so deeply angry - all in silence, my "self" shut away tight to avoid the awful pain of punishment for being myself.

You, my dear, were lucky. You had a great group of friends. You were comfortable at home. Your family taught you that you were funny and lovable, and you believed them. There wasn't anything you couldn't do, except maybe look a dog in the eye.

But most kids, I think, don't go through HS the way you did. So maybe you're just catching up with the world the rest of us call home.

Here's the thing about now: no one can do a woman's job. I read an article about this once in the New England Journal of Health: the job is too big for success. Too huge. No one person can possibly succeed at it. You have 1) being yourself 2) being a marriage partner 3) being mother of Mags 4) being mother of Will, 5) being mother of Coleman 5) being the housekeeper 6) being the supplies procurer 7) being the cook 8) being a neighbor 9) being a responsible citizen 10) being a friend 11) being a daughter 12) being LDS (which is, in itself, about five full time jobs).

Any one of these jobs or roles is a full time deal. And the word "mother," so easily used in that list, is so deceptively simple. Being a mother means learning the entire psychology of the child, caring for the body of the child, teaching the child social, physical, spiritual realities. Entertaining the child, feeding the child - and loving the child.

And the pattern for one child does not fit any other child. So you have to be a separate person for each child. So far, how many people have I outlined here for you to be, all at the same time?

You are doomed to fail - in every one of these things - at least from time to time. It's completely natural then, coming up against your limits, that you begin to feel less confident. Responsibility has a quelling effect on puffy vests. It makes you pay attention. And when you love deeply, you demand of yourself deeply.

And being a woman, you are bound to assume that everybody else around you is doing GREAT. Didn't we talk about that? About judging yourself by the aggregate of all your friends' accomplishments? But we never even factor in their shortfalls - we just should be able to do everything that everybody else does well and never fail at anything.

And because motherhood is really WAY more work than it is warm and fuzzy appreciation, you find yourself craving positive reinforcement - even if you have a great husband. You need WORDS to weave some comfort between you and other women you trust. And you hope they like you and don't see how overwhelmed and tired and frustrated you are sometimes. You want to be this serene, competent person rather than the rat-haired, circle eyed crazy person motherhood makes you (not you, all of us).

Am I close here?

I'm on a horse.

K said...

I just read that blog you linked in. It was really, really good. And I understood her down to the ground. Pam used to say to me, "You're so DIFFERENT." When all I wanted was to be the same as everybody else. But I never could do it. I didn't know how to be. I still don't. WYSISYG. Sometimes the world (the ward) is merciful. Sometimes, it isn't.

EmmaP said...

All the time. But in high school I wasn't fat like now and I didn't have a failed marriage... I feel like that a lot.

LL said...

I LOVE that commercial!
As for the insecurities...for some reason I've had the opposite feeling. I feel MUCH more comfortable in my own skin now. I was happy in high school, but always worried about what others thought. My only issue now is my weight (and occasion whisker. HA!) :) yet sadly, those don't even phase me much!
You are absolutely adorable! You're confidence and fun independant style are what make your blog so fun!

The Tuck Family said...

Both of those just made my day....thank you!

I'm on a horse.

Rachel said...

Oh my gosh I am laughing so hard! What an awesome comercial! I knew there was a reason The SM used Old Spice..well.....other was on I bought him a years supply. :)

High school....ummmm yeah. Totally different experience. I feel that as an adult I'm coming into myself and getting more loud and obnoxious and not caring what others think. Maybe I should go back to being the quiet insecure one that I was in high school. Less to be offended by.

Beth said...

I'm buying Old Spice, man!

Dan said...

You pose an interesting question. Now that the weekend is over, I think I can answer it.

To me, it seems that as I have become older, I have tried to be more sensitive to others and their situations, whatever they may be. However, in so doing, I feel that I have become more sensitive about my own issues and therefore have become less outgoing, more self-conscience and also more boring because I became an engineer.

So, I blame my problems on society and humanity. J/K. I just realize that in high school I had no idea of what political correctness was, I mean, I was the King of Bountiful.

Now that I have lost my reign, I just have to take each day one at a time and do what I can to be healthy physically and spiritually. I feel best when I feel balanced knowing that I have done enough to satisfy all demands that are placed on me. It's easier for a working guy to say that because he doesn't have angry toddlers crying at him all day.

Rob and Marseille said...

interesting...I have more self esteem now than in high school...maybe my hormones arent so crazy? I liked high school alot, but did feel insecure. I think my boys are my esteem booster. I am their world. I make them better, get them what they want, need, and lots of hugs. I am needed. They need me. Who else is going to help them, but me? (ok, occasionally their dad, but he's often at work). Maybe if I was around peers w/o my boys that would be different. Maybe they are a shield I hide behind. If no one is talking to me, I can just talk to them. Or tickle them, or hug them. I guess I am the queen of my castle and dont get out are the queen of yours, so as long as you never leave....JK! Continue to have Witches Tea parties and all that fun stuff.


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