I had a chat this week with Hillary, one of my best friends from growing up. She texted me wanting to have an intelligent conversation about recent events about the Mormons in the news. We talked about our understandings and opinions of things and how sad we were at the portrayal of the church in the media, and the hurt feelings and heartache on both sides of the divide. We ended our conversation with expressing our hope that Mormons could just be nicer to each other in general. Hillary said, "I think they should sing
'Jesus Said Love Everyone' at church for every song." Amen, Hill. That'd be great. Plus, its short so my kids would like that.
After I talked to Hill, I got to thinking about the presidency lesson I needed to give in Relief Society--I decided to teach about
kindness.
Here is my lesson:
Our world is very
diverse. Our church is diverse as well. We have members throughout the world.
We speak many different languages. We have many different jobs. We believe in
the same doctrine and sustain the same prophet but we also have different ideas
and convictions. We belong to different political parties. We may think
differently about the things we eat. We may think differently about the media
we may choose to use. We raise our children differently. We think differently
about what type of behaviors and manners are appropriate and acceptable. We are just very different.
The differences we have used to
really bother me. I used to wonder how it could be that all of us don’t feel
the same way about ________________________ (fill in the blank). Shouldn’t we
all feel the exact same way about everything in the world? We are members of
the only true church--we should be the same. Or should we?
As I have pondered our differences
and why they exist I have realized that Heavenly Father puts great trust in us.
He directs us on the important things and has blessed us with the Holy Ghost,
the scriptures, prayers, prophets, and our smart little brains to find and live
the truth that we seek about things. Some things, no matter how important they
may seem to us just are simply not that important in the grand scheme of things.
They don’t have any eternal consequence.
What are some things that you or other people have strong opinions
about that probably don’t really matter in the eternal scheme of things?
·
Breastfeeding/bottle feeding
·
Sports team loyalties
·
Comparing yourself with other’s accomplishments
·
Political parties
·
Being vegetarian
Okay, I have
established that we are very different. And we are very passionate. And some of
the things that we are passionate about are not eternally significant.
During the General Women’s Meeting this spring, Sister Bonnie
Oscarson said:
“
To be sisters implies that there is
an unbreakable bond between us. Sisters take care of each other, watch out for
each other, comfort each other, and are there for each other through thick and
thin. The Lord has said, “I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are
not mine.”2
The adversary would have us be critical or
judgmental of one another. He wants us to concentrate on our differences and
compare ourselves to one another. You may love to exercise vigorously for an
hour each day because it makes you feel so good, while I consider it to be a
major athletic event if I walk up one flight of stairs instead of taking the
elevator. We can still be friends, can’t we?
We as women can be particularly hard on
ourselves. When we compare ourselves to one another, we will always feel
inadequate or resentful of others. Sister Patricia T. Holland once said,
“The point is, we simply cannot call ourselves Christian and
continue to judge one another—or ourselves—so harshly.”3 She
goes on to say that there is nothing that is worth us losing our compassion and
sisterhood over. We just need to relax and rejoice in our divine differences.
We need to realize that we all desire to serve in the kingdom, using our unique
talents and gifts in our own ways. Then we can enjoy our sisterhood and our
associations and begin to serve.
I love that!
We are sisters. Raise your hand if you have a sister in your family. Raise your
hand if you are exactly the same—same opinions, same problems, same accomplishments.
Raise your hand if you sometimes can’t believe how different you are having
been raised in the same house. Now, Raise your hand if you LOVE your sister.
Sisters are the best thing. Nobody makes me laugh as hard as my sister. I joke
with my sister that I have to borrow some of grandma’s depends when we get
together—I laugh that hard. My sister and I don’t always agree but nothing
can or will ever change the love that I feel for her or the support that I hope
to be to her throughout our lives.
When we were
getting together for presidency meeting a few months back, Teren texted this to
Melissa, Raquel, and me:
We all agreed
that we feel that way about our sibling sisters as well as about each
other—sisters in the presidency and sisters in Relief Society. As Sister Oscarson said, “There is an
unbreakable bond between us... there is nothing worth us losing our compassion
and sisterhood over.”
And yet I see
so often on facebook and elsewhere on the internet (chiefly in non-face-to-face
communication) such ugly and unkind ways of communicating. When addressing
those with whom we share a difference of opinion, we often let the difference
of opinion overshadow the “friend” we are communicating with. We are often
disrespectful, rude, and hurtful and I think we must do it without thinking. I
think it is easier to say unkind things when you are hiding behind a screen and
not looking the person in the face. When I
disagree with a statement made by a friend on facebook or an article or post on
the internet I ask myself if I really need to state my opinion in response? And
if I decided that I need to how I can do it in a loving way.
How do you respond when a friend states an
opinion that you don’t agree with?
My
kindergarten teacher had a poster of Thumper the Rabbit from the movie Bambi
hanging in our classroom. Does anyone
remember the great quote that Thumper’s mama taught him? “If you can’t say
somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.”
It is a simple thing, but one that I try to think of more often.
Elder Joseph
B. Wirthlin said:
When
we are filled with kindness, we are not
judgmental. The Savior taught, “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn
not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.” 4 He also taught that “with
what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it
shall be measured to you again.” 5
“But,” you ask, “what if people are rude?”
Love them.
“If they are obnoxious?”
Love them.
“But what if they offend? Surely I must do
something then?”
Love them.
“Wayward?”
The answer is the same. Be kind. Love them.
Why?
In the scriptures Jude taught, “And of some have compassion, making a
difference.”
Who can tell what far-reaching impact we can
have if we are only kind?
There are
quite a few primary songs that go along with that same message. These are the
songs that we all probably still have swimming around in the backs of our
brains somewhere. My friend Hillary does and she sings them to her cute baby.
-Jesus said
love everyone
-I’m Trying to
Be Like Jesus
-We are
Different
-Kindness
Begins with Me
These songs
remind me that one of the greatest lessons Christ taught was the importance of
being kind.
Can I have someone read Matthew 22: 37-40?
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou
shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy
soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like
unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all
the law and the prophets.
Before I go on, I want to
clarify that I am not advocating that we never speak up when things are
contrary to our beliefs. When others are engaging in activities or beliefs
contrary to the doctrines and policies of the church we should not go along
with it just so as not to be rude. However, I see the need for us to consider
more carefully how we respond. This
has been on my mind a lot lately.
President Hinckley said:
“Let us reach out with love and kindness to
those who would revile against us. I think frequently of the words of Edwin
Markham as he put them in that little verse:
He drew a circle that shut me out—
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
In the spirit of the Christ who advised us to
turn the other cheek, let us try to overcome evil with good.”
While I was on
my mission it often helped me in my teaching to think of my own sister or
brothers and imagine that the person I was teaching was actually my brother or
my sister. When I would become frustrated with an investigator or wondered if
my visits to a less active member made any difference to them I would think,
“if this was my sister would I want missionaries to give up on her? Never.”
We are all
brothers and sisters. We need to draw a circle of love around our differences.
President Hinckley told the
following story:
I have
permission to tell you the story of a young man who grew up in our community.
He was not a member of the Church. He and his parents were active in another
faith.
He recalls that when he was growing up, some of
his LDS associates belittled him, made him feel out of place, and poked fun at
him.
He came to literally hate this Church and its
people. He saw no good in any of them.
Then his father lost his employment and had to
move. In the new location, at the age of 17, he was able to enroll in college.
There, for the first time in his life, he felt the warmth of friends, one of
whom, named Richard, asked him to join a club of which he was president. He
writes: “For the first time in my life someone wanted me around. I didn’t know
how to react, but thankfully I joined. … It was a feeling that I loved, the
feeling of having a friend. I had prayed for one my whole life. And now after
17 years of waiting, God answered that prayer.”
At
the age of 19 he found himself as a tent partner with Richard during their
summer employment. He noticed Richard reading a book every night. He asked what
he was reading. He was told that he was reading theBook
of Mormon. He adds: “I quickly changed the subject and went to bed.
After all, that is the book that ruined my childhood. I tried forgetting about
it, but a week went by and I couldn’t sleep. Why was he reading it every night?
I soon couldn’t stand the unanswered questions in my head. So one night I asked
him what was so important in that book. What was in it? He handed me the book.
I quickly stated that I never wanted to touch the book. I just wanted to know
what was in there. He started to read where he had stopped. He read about Jesus
and about an appearance in the Americas. I was shocked. I didn’t think that the
Mormons believed in Jesus.”
Richard
asked him to sing in a stake conference choir with him. The day came and the
conference started. “Elder Gary J. Coleman from the First Quorum of the Seventy
was the guest speaker. I found out during the conference that he also [was a
convert]. At the end Richard proceeded to pull me by the arm up to talk to him.
I finally agreed, and as I was approaching him he turned and smiled at me. I
introduced myself and said that I wasn’t a member and that I had just come to
sing in the choir. He smiled and said he was happy that I was there and stated
that the music was great. I asked him how he knew the Church was true. He told
me a short version of his testimony and asked if I had read
the Book of Mormon. I said no. He promised me that the first time I
read it, I would feel the Spirit.”
On a subsequent occasion this young man and his
friend were traveling. Richard handed him a Book of Mormon and asked that he
read it aloud. He did so, and suddenly the inspiration of the Holy Spirit
touched him.
Time passed and his faith increased. He agreed
to be baptized. His parents opposed him, but he went forward and was baptized a
member of this Church.
His testimony continues to strengthen. Only a
few weeks ago he was married to a beautiful Latter-day Saint girl for time and
eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. Elder Gary J. Coleman performed his sealing.
That is the end of the story, but there are
great statements in that story. One is the sorry manner in which his young
Mormon associates treated him.
Next
is the manner in which his newfound friend Richard treated him. It was totally
opposite from his previous experience. It led to his conversion and baptism in
the face of terrible odds.
This
kind of miracle can happen and will happen when there is kindness, respect, and
love. Why do any of us have to be so mean and unkind to others? Why can’t all
of us reach out in friendship to everyone about us? Why is there so much
bitterness and animosity? It is not a part of the gospel of Jesus
Christ.
Does anyone have a story they could share about how kindness affected
their life in a positive way?
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin shared this experience: Kind words not only lift
our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the
years. One day, when I was in college, a man seven years my senior
congratulated me on my performance in a football game. He not only praised how
well I had done in the game, but he had noticed that I had showed good
sportsmanship. Even though this conversation happened more than 60 years ago,
and even though it’s highly unlikely the person who complimented me has any
recollection of this conversation, I still remember the kind words spoken to me
that day by Gordon B. Hinckley, who would later become President of the Church
I would like to close with
these words of President Monsen:
Beyond comprehension, my brothers and sisters,
is the love of God for us. Because of this love, He sent His Son, who loved us
enough to give His life for us, that we might have eternal life. As we come to
understand this incomparable gift, our hearts will be filled with love for our
Eternal Father, for our Savior, and for all mankind. That such may be so is my
earnest prayer in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.
