All of this thinking I've been doing has led me to ask myself some very deep questions and ponder some very confusing things. But through it all, I have only come to the conclusion that, "I know that He loveth his children, nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." (1 Ne 11:17)
I know that God is good. I know he exists. I know he cares for us and is aware of each of us. He knows our struggles. He knows our strengths. He knows what we need. He knows what we want. He knows who we were and who we may become. He can't give us everything we want. He can't stop everything that hurts us. But he can support us. Strengthen us. Love us. And that is what he does. Every day.
I know that when I feel hurt, when I feel dark, when I feel like nobody cares and I'm not even worth loving, He's there waiting for me to notice that he's loved me all along and is waiting to bless me even more. I know that if I feel horrible and ugly and wicked, all I need to do is kneel and pray and ask Him if he loves me. I feel that he does. I feel it in my heart and in my thoughts.
I know that no one who has lived on this earth, save Jesus only, has been perfect. Infact, we're all hopelessly flawed. We try. We hope. But even Moses, Noah, and Abraham made mistakes. Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and Gordon B. Hinckley didn't get it right a lot of the time. The church was created by God but managed by man. We are imperfect. But if we keep trying and quit looking for excuses and imperfections we will find that the Perfect One is slowly perfecting us. And he's doing it with love.
And that is what I know.