
All the boys who were my age let me play with them, but when I tired of rough housing and throwing pillows there was no way I could talk Jordan, Matt, Brian, and my brothers into playing house with me. Believe me, I tried. Even little Steven wasn't interested (maybe cause I wanted him to be the baby?). My choices were: play rough or don't play. So, I didn't play a lot of the time.
I spent a lot of time in Grandma's bedroom looking at her earrings and fiddling with her music box, or getting drinks with the little paper cups in her bathroom. I also sat upstairs with my parents listening to the stories and laughter from my aunts and uncles. I'm glad I was able to grow up hearing the stories and memories my aunts and uncles shared, but I always wanted to be older and cooler (or maybe a male?) so that I could have fit in better with my cousins.

Over the years I've gotten to be better friends with some of them. Laurie worked at the MTC when I was in there preparing for Hungary. She visited me and came to my classroom a few times. At the family reunion in Heber a few years back (okay, probably 10 years back) I hung out with Angela and Brian and really enjoyed myself. Dan and Jake always made me laugh but they were older and had families while I was still single in high school and college. Cat and I hung out a few times after my mission when she set me up with one of her best friends. But with most of my family scattered across the United States I never really felt the closeness I craved.
Grandma's funeral brought us together. But we weren't stashed in different rooms anymore with the cool kids in the basement and the boys making a mess in the garage or throwing apples at the neighbors in the yard. We were all dressed up, grown up, and grieving for our grandma. I was able to talk to cousins that I hadn't seen in years. Nearly all of us are married with families of our own. And for the first time I felt like I was on the same page with them. It was a little overwhelming because I just wanted to drink it all in, to sit with each cousin and find out where they'd been and what they'd been doing. And although I was told by various cousins at least 5 times that I couldn't possibly be old enough to be married with children (I am 27, I told them...but I won't lie.. the kids have come suddenly) I felt like we were all peers--I wasn't the little loner anymore.
Everybody's since gone home to Washington, Virginia, Delaware, Wisconsin, Illinoise, DC, etc. Who knows when we'll all get together again...but at least now I feel like I don't have to spy through the vents--I just might be one of the cool cousins yet.
4 comments:
I know these feelings.
I'm a little sad now.
Megs, if it makes you feel any better, You've always been an amazingly cool cousin!! You still are!! I love you to pieces and I hope you're doing good. You look beautiful, I know you can handle everything, but I've really missed hanging out every week...we really need to get together soon, until then I'll just get my Megan fill from your blog!! I love you!!
I come from a HUGE family and I hardly know any of them. Only time I see them is at weddings and funerals. Sad isn't it?
Post a Comment