Saturday, July 19, 2008

Heartache


Will


Mags


Coleman

Oh how I love my babies. I realized last Sunday after 5 straight hours of crying that I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and in need of help. The family came through. Mom ordered me to go back to the hospital (to rent a room in the maternity ward) so that I could rest and nurse my boys without driving back and forth from Lehi. I had been making 2-3 trips to the hospital each day after my release so that I could nurse the boys (the feeding schedule they had them on only let me nurse once or twice every 12 hours in between tube feedings). The constant driving and nursing left no time for rest and my stress level was through the roof! Before I went back to the hospital sister-in-law Beth brought us dinner--an amazing Mexican fiesta complete with rice, chicken tacos, horchata, flan, and limeade. With all the toppings. Holy cow. Or should I say AY CARUMBA!? Beth even offered to clean my house, but Mom had already done it with Cam's help vacuuming and Dad watering the garden to keep our meager produce alive. Mom even flushed our dear fish Cosmic Swoop Hinckley (2005-2008) who had passed on to that big fish bowl in the sky whilst we were at the hospital birthing the boys.

When I moved into the hospital Maggie stayed with her grandmas. Both Dan's mom and my mom were sweet enough to step in to love, feed, and care for my girl while I was teaching the twins how to eat. The boys picked up nursing like vultures take to wildebeest carcases. I've never seen an infant latch so fast. I almost cried for joy the first time I nursed them.

Despite their good nursing, they're just not gaining weight like the pediatrician would like them to. And they had some type of a lung infection that has cleared thanks to treatment with antibiotics. However, their lungs are still healing from it--so they can't kick the oxygen habit. Before we can take our little muffins home with us we have to get them fat(ter) and either get them off the oxygen or get them on a lower flow so that we can keep the kids hooked up to it at home.

Its slow going. Everyday I hope that Dr. Fox will tell us we can take them home. He assures me that we're getting closer, but it requires a lot of patience. I do a lot of crying. And a lot of praying. And a lot of missing Maggie. I hate that I can't be a mom to Maggie and the boys at the same time. I constantly feel guilty for not being able to be everywhere at once.

I feel blessed that I've received so much help and that so many people have told us they are praying for our boys. All of this will be over before I know it.

10 comments:

AmyR said...

Wow Megan, You are a great mom. You'll be home with all of them before you know it.

Tiffany said...

I agree Megs, you are a wonderful Mom and care so much about your 3 (THREE!) kids! We are praying for your family!

Ginna said...

Be brave, don't feel guilty. It's such a fabulous gift you're giving Mags, two little brothers!

Thank goodness for family, right?
I love you, keep up the good work.

Amanda D said...

Wish I could do something to help. We'll keep you in our prayers. Good luck and keep us posted!

Rachel said...

Oh Megs.....I waas there with my last...it is very difficult. I'm so sorry you are going through this. We are praying that your babies can come home soon!

Beth said...

I'm so impressed with you, Megan. I know I know nothing (a known unknown, if you will) about having my babies in the hospital while trying to recover from birth and while missing another baby at home. Tough. But I love seeing you guys be such champs through this. My respect for you is through the roof. Thanks for your great, humble example. I love you so much!!

the fellers said...

Oh Megan, you are in our prayers! I hope those boys can come home soon! I cant wait to meet them, although I know it will be awhile before you want people around, understandable. And dont you worry, Maggie wont even remember this in a few weeks, you are a great mommy and your hard work will pay off!!

Ohio Rasmussen Family said...

You are doing wonderful. Prayers for you are coming from everywhere, including strong ones from Ohio. We think about you constantly and you are being so courageous through all of this. You do so much for others, Heavenly Father is letting others help take care of you now. Soon you will all be reunited at home and we can't wait to meet your cute new bundles. You and Dan are strong examples of wonderful parents to all of us. Thanks for the updates...Becca and I have been checking everyday.

Mel and Byde said...

Just keep the faith Megs. You are a great mom and you are doing what you need to do right now. Everything works out with faith and prayer and you are getting that from everyone. Hang in there, you are great mom! Beautiful kids...they are darling:)

The Tuck Family said...

Good thing your family is amazing huh!? We are both lucky to be blessed with such...don't feel guilty (I know it's easier said than done)you are doing the absolute best you can do for your family right now. Someone up top said it best I think, you are giving Mags the best gift ever, just think if you were an only child. She'll make it and so will you, it just gonna take some adjustments and a little time is all.

Our prayers are with you, Dan, Maggie, and your two newest angels.

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